Enhancing Communication in Marriage
Many couples enter therapy looking to improve their communication. Below are some of the techniques that can make conflicts more productive.
Active listening: Be present while your spouse is talking. Avoid multitasking, looking at your phone, or having the TV on in the background. Listen with active curiosity, staying on topic and refraining from formulating a response or judgement. Be aware of your nonverbal communication such as checking your watch, keeping good eye contact, and facial expressions.
I Statements: Use the format “I feel (feelings word) when (behavior/situation)”. Avoid blame and criticism to keep the conversation constructive.
Reflective Listening: Listen carefully to your spouse and then repeat what they have said, checking for understanding. Pause and reflect before responding to ensure a thoughtful and considerate reply.
Create Safe Space for Increased Intimacy: When your spouse feels safe sharing their emotions, they are more likely to let you into their experiences. Avoid dismissing their feelings, using judgmental language, or criticizing mistakes. Instead, show empathy, compassion, support, and unconditional regard for who your partner is and the effort they make. Validate their feelings even if you do not agree. Be honest and loving in your responses.
Develop Boundaries: Decide what boundaries need to be stated and maintained to ensure that both parties are respected as you move through conflict. Different people process information at varying speeds so some parties may need time to reflect before responding. When taking a conversation time out, state a return time for the conversation to continue.
Focus on What is Important: Identify what is important to each person and focus on finding a compromise that honors each person’s top values. Having a relationship vision within the marriage can guide tough decisions. Learn which issues to let go and which to address for the health of the relationship.
Schedule Time for Discussion: Set a reoccurring time each week to discuss issues to prevent them from becoming overwhelming. Avoid having conflict when feeling emotionally charged. Instead, take the time to think through what you want to say and present it evenly. Relationship maintenance should include both time for problem solving and regular connection.
Honor Each Other’s Strengths: Acknowledge and appreciate each person’s unique skill sets and knowledge base. Valuing individual contributions increases strength as a couple, fosters respect, and increases the collective ability to overcome challenges. Make space for differing opinions and perspectives, recognizing each person’s view as valid. Show gratitude for your partner’s character and contributions to the relationship.
Written by: Jessi Friedrichs
